"upcoming fool"

Yep I admit it. I did it to myself. Wasn't really expecting that much out of it, but I thought things were gonna be better. I played myself into thinking that jus because things were going good, we'd be back to how we were. Yea I am a lil mad at you, but I shouldn't be. Shits expected.. and yet I jump right back into it. So am i mad..hell yea. More at myself than at you. Not only did you make a fool of me, but I made a fool of myself. Feeling dumb as fuck that I let my emotions get so deep, and for what. There was no reason. They say everything in life happens for a reason. but Why would anyone fall in love and have nothin come of it? Unless it was never real love. I wanna be so over it. I'm gonna be..I have to be. We live, we learn. in the end SHITS POINTLESS.

Crawl..

"If we crawl

Till we can walk again

Then we'll run

Until we're strong enough to jump

Then we'll fly

Until there is no end

So let's crawl, crawl, crawl

Back to love, Yeah

Back to love, Yeah"

So I was listenin to the song "Crawl" by Chris Brown, and realized he was speakin some deep shii. It was funny cause lastnite I was having a conversation with someone special; jus speakin on everything, then i heard it. I was told that things would be a process. A process that I feel we can overcome; one in which we've probably already experienced. Crawlin..to walkin..to running is a process in itself. Something in which we all had to go through. It all takes time, but it's learned & done in order to take that next step. It's life

...whatever those steps may be, big or small, i'm willing to take them. no obstacle is too big to overcome.

..life is too short to live it other than happy..

a confused soul

Things are good. Things are great. We're all smiles. It all stops. Where is this all coming from. Give me a sign. Yesss...No..Maybe?? What's going on in that head. I sense it. I feel it, but it's not there. Fill me in, don't leave me hangin. Tell me what's real.

10.10.09

So today is jus another day. Another day; same shit. I'm slowly realizing and learning how to let it all go. I'd jus hate to do it, and look back & wonder what it would have been like. Maybe it all happens for a reason. Maybe it really isn't the end. No one will know until it all reveals itself.

Never under estimate

i fear no bitch. && i damn for sure don't trust em. Never under estimate a dime.

"why they call me a bitch" by twinks

They call me a bitch cuz i speak what's on my mind
I say what I feel even tho it's not kind
They call me a bitch cuz they think i'm stuck up
But they dont kno shii bout me so shut the fuck up
They call me a bitch cuz I fight for what's right
My personality is vicious & my bark is worse than my bite
They call me a bitch cuz I fear no one
I take borin thangz & turn them into fun
They call me a bitch cuz they can't handle my attitude
They say it'z unnecessary & that i'm bein rude
They call me a bitch cuz i'm too much of one to intimidate both femalez & malez
U'll kno when i'm comin cuz I leave a intimidation trail
They call me a bitch cuz that's wat they see
The bitch in mind & the bitch in me
They call me a bitch cuz I kno who & who not to trust
I kno the difference between love && the difference between lust
They call me a bitch cuz i'm a phenominal woman
I do wat I need to NOT wat I can
They call me a bitch cuz I speak the truth constantly
I can't help that..it's a natural part of me
They call me a bitch cuz bitches are reckless
When it comes to hushin' ..bull-ish && fictional mess
They call me a bitch knowin that I don't give a damn
Cuz if bein a bitch means bein that.. than a bitch I am

Scream

Lock me away in a room where I can't be heard. Where I can yell at the top of my lungs; where all my pain is let loose. Lock me in this room, where my mind is free to wander, and my words free to roam. Let me scream. Allow me to release all this animosity, so I can live. No more headaches, no more crying, no more tears, no more hurt. In this room, shall I remain? To hide from the truth; to hide from embarassment... To hide from the fact that what was will never be. Until I find this room, I must face the world. Face the people in it, and their everyday bull. Until I find this room, in this big world... I stand alone.

silenced...

S.i.l.e.n.c.e.d to the point of tears. My words won't even get a chance to escape my lips. These thoughts form into words that get trampled on because they are truth. Nothing more can be done. The unspoken jus won't be said.

it hurtss..

it hurts when you say the things you say. One minute you love me, and the next you treat me like I'm some extra chick. I sacrificed enough for you and you never even made an attempt to do the same. We've been at this too long for it to be thrown away. I've never hurt you. I've never lied to you. And my feelings are still the same. it hurts to know that you're willing to push it all to the side, and go for the penny when you could have a dime. i'm sorry that i cared, and i'm sorry i ever loved you. i'm sorry you cant figure out what you want, and that you dont care. maybe it isn't worth the tears. maybe it was all a waste of time. but now we'll never know. what goes around comes back around, and i hope it hits you 1000 times harder. maybe you'll learn; maybe you won't. i jus hope i'm around to watch you fall on your ass.

I Hate You

I hate you.
I hate the way you try and play me.
I hate the fact that you don't care.
I hate that I have to see you.
I hate that you lie.
I hate how you decieved me.
I hate that it aint me.
I jus hate you.

"Letting Go" by Nanci

[sometimes others say it better]

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring;It means I can't do it for someone else.To let go is not to cut myself off...It's the realization that I can't control another...To let go is not to enable,but to allow learning from natural consequences.To let go is to admit powerlessness,which means the outcome is not in my hands.To let go is not to try and change or blame another,I can only change myself.To let go is not to care for, but to care about.To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.To let go is not to judge,but to allow another to be a human being.To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.To let go is not to be protective,It is to permit another to face reality.To let go is not to deny, but to accept.To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,but to try to become what I dream I can be.To let go is not to regret the past,but to grow and live for the future.To let go is to fear less and love more.

iirresistable temptatiions...

Your skin.

Your touch.

Your smell.

Your smile.

Your voice.

Your look.

Your swagg.

Your stubborness,

&& your ignorance;

tempt me in the greatest and strongest way possible. So much that at times I find myself wanting to give in; wanting to have that feeling and connection we once shared. Your like crack and I'm the addict. Each hit I take makes me worse and worse; it kills me faster and faster, but yet I keep craving more.

His eyes.

His lips.

His face.

His body.

His confidence.

His kindness.

&& his respectful attitude

makes him the irresistable man one dreams of. Scared of this change for it may become my new addiction. If I take a hit; can this new drug make me feel like the old one did? Can it make me feel better than the old one did?

I'll never know unless I take that chance. I'll chance my happiness for ecstasy, and that crack for something that can do the trick.

a new beginning

New things are beginning to happen. I'm slowly meeting new people, and I've been learning how to let the old ones go. No need for the extraness (i think i jus made that word up). Nothing but forward from here. I'm tired of looking back and wishing things could have been different. If we always lived based on our past, we'd never really live at all. That is why I wanted to be able to let go. Let go of all the bull-ish, and the people who ever did me wrong. The bad; the sad, and just live. The past is the past because without it, we would never know what to look for. What happiness we seek, or the hurt we try to avoid.

your last hit

You've made your choice, and that was clear from the start. Why I put up with it for so long, who knows. Maybe it's because I wanted to feel loved. But I've never heard of a love where you hurt the one you "love" repeatedly. It's funny because the 1st man I ever loved NEVER did any of the things that you did to me. At most he made me fight with time. With you I was fighting for everything, and in the end it was all bullshit. One by one you kicked to the curb the only real people who gave a fuck about you. I was the last to suffer from the hit in which I could have dodged. From here on, I'll just sit on the bench with the others and watch the game go on. After all there is only so much you can say. Screwing over all the players on your team, until there's only you.

Ooooo wait. [It is]

on 5.28.09 you made me feel like this..

Fuck you...fuck you...fuck you...fuck you...fuck you



┌∩┐(-_-)┌∩┐

Lite Skinn Ha

Lite skinn ha was sexii
Lite skinn ha was beautiful
Lite skinn ha was also known as dimplezz
Lite skinn ha made me smile
Lite skinn ha made me feel some type of way
Lite skinn ha stole my heart
Lite skinn ha made me cry
Lite skinn ha put me second
Lite skinn ha was confused
Lite skinn ha's heart was in two places at once
Lite skinn ha played me
Lite skinn ha broke my heart
Lite skinn ha had a decision to make
Lite skinn ha made the wrong one
Lite skinn ha doesn't care

[we'll never know what was to become of this]

Just Can't Find the Words.

[B3ST MEM0RY] When I layed in your arms; the morning after having a crazii night @ the Kid Cudi concert. I felt good, safe...happy. We were soo tired that all we could do was lay there. I remember you decided to call your mom that day, and check up on her. I can't find the words to tell you exactly how I felt. The only thing I ask of you is a little time, and that couldn't have been anymore perfect. Just something so simple as sitting there with you can make my day, and that day it did.

Can't Find The Words lyrics by: Karina Pasian

Now we've been talking for a while
And you got me trying to figure out
Boy I don't know what to say to you
But you got me feeling some kind of way for you

And all I know is when were together
No one can make me feel the way you do baby
I wish each moment could last forever
It's hard to explain the way I feel for you
I just can't find the words

You got me losing myself in what I'm trying to say
And it's so hard to fight it can't help but feeling this way
And every time that I'm near you it's like my heart gets weak
Feels like I'm losing my breath making it hard to speak

I just can't find the words [4X] i'll always love you ♥

What about us?

[TH3N] What about us? What happened to us? The "I miss you's," and the late night phone calls...The movies every other weekend, and the caring voicemails. [N0W] I feel like I don't even know who you are. Looking at you is like you're a brand new person. Kinda like I'm experiencing deja vu, but in reality...I actually know you; I knew us. Well. . .used to.
I can remember when you used to call me, and would have absolutely nothing to say. I took those for granted. Had I known that those calls were gonna end..I would have devoted every bit of my attention towards you. Had I known you were gonna stop caring..I would have never gave you my heart. [FAV MEM0RiES] I can remember our first date, and the butterflies I felt. Ever since then, my stomach would jus flutter away; the sound of you voice, your scent, your smile, jus you! August 31, 2006 was the day we made it official; having been through sooo much that year. No it wasn't perfect, but at that time we were in two totally different states of mind. I wasn't ready then and I'm sure you could see that. All I wanted to do now was take care of unfinished business, and have what we used to have these past few months. If I felt like this was worth ending, I probably would have done it by now. But if something is not letting me let go then what else can I do. I'm waiting for the day for you to come around. Maybe you won't..but if so jus say the word. Don't let me keep hangin onto something that's not there.

where's my heart

Does anyone know what it feels like to be in love with more than one person? I'm so crazii about my first love, but they never give me the time of day. Whenever I try and move on. . . something jus keeps pullin me back. But you know that saying "you never know what you got till it's gone..?" it doesn't always effect the people we want it to. && this other one is stuck between a rock and a hard place. They don't know where their mind is at, and it's jus making things harder. Sharing was something that I never did well, and I still can't do it. Call it selfish. I could care less. Whoever said love brings you happiness is a FOOL. nah I'm jus playin, but still. . . All these mixed emotions and feelings aren't getting me any where. So maybe I should be [E M O T i O N L E S S] you know. Jus stop giving a f&%k. Maybe it won't hurt. Maybe one day I'll be that number 1.

so i love quotes :)

"FINE I ADMIT IT;

i think of you every second of every day,you're my [ favorite ] subject to talk about.when i hug you, i wish i could never let go.most of my dreams have [ you ] in them.i always get excited when i see you again.

&+

i'm [ completely ]in love with you.

IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT?"

forever & a day. . .

So there's this guy. . . .

It's been about 6 years, and I still don't know what to think. It started out as something soo innocent, but became much more. We've been through so much shit and in each others lives for a while. No we're not together anymore, and MAYBE that's how it's supposed to be [NOT!]. Words definately can't describe our relationship. You can't even call what we have a relationship(haha). It's like we can't be together but at the same time we can't be apart.

The shit won't go away. No matter how hard I try or how many times I delete his number from my phone jus so I won't call him, it never works. Some may say it's lack of will-power, and I say. . . .FUCK 'EM. I guess you can say he's got the best of me.

I've never met someone who can make me so mad,then happy in a matter of seconds...

someone who already knows something's wrong without me having to say a word...

someone who hates for me to see his "mushy" side, but has his soft moments...

someone with so much determination...

someone I love.

Don't get me wrong he has his flaws. Nobody is perfect. But with time comes progress; we just have a lot of it. We've had our many up's and down's but that's what makes us..us. It's funny because I used to think that, jus maybe I'm fooling myself. Like there's no way in hell someone can make me feel this way. And as I grew older I came to realize... OOO SHIT, I THINK I'M REALLY CATCHIN FEELINGS. I THINK I REALLY LOVE HIM; and I do. Who knows what the future has in store for us; life's full of surprises anyway. It seems like it's been forever and a day, all the way back to Hello. From the first date(those "blue eyes"); til now. Words won't ever explain us, what we have, or why we are the way we are.

some poetry for your ass [mii 2 step]

She sits.

She watches.

She learns.

Slide.

Step.

Pop.

Moving her arms like a sly snake.

Hearing the fierce thunder in the rhythm

of her feet.

Leaping like a Gazelle,

the floor her Sahara.

Hop.

Kick.

Step.

The iambic beat of her heart,

Racing yet eager for one more go.

The twinkle in her eye;

reflecting a star being born.

have you?

have you ever been called a bitch over a hater?
have you ever cried, and it didn't help?
have you ever wished things could be the same?
have you ever had people come into your life only to leave?

have you ever loved someone so much, but they were too stuck in their own way to care?

have you ever felt like no on was listening to you?

[i have]. . .